I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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