So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
