just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your parents love me but you hate me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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