just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
