and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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