I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
