I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
