FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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