either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
