Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
