Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
