walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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