actually, I'm a sock model
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
