dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
