I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
