but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
