Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
