I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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