my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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