no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
