Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
