I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize