I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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