Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
