we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
