she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
