Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
