No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize