Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
