how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
