My nipple is on Facebook.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
