he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
