You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
