so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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