Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
