I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
