What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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