Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize