Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Couch. On fire.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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