Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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