You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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