like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
