Quick, to the slutcave!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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