Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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