i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
