Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
