hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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