drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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