Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
