I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
