he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the day after is always just damage control
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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