Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
