Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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