You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.