Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"

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(573): I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!" http://tfl.nu/oyys

Replies (22) Good night (5486) Bad night (1384)
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(903): View more from Texas

u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

(214): View more from Texas

Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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(903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow

Replies (87) Good night (1663) Bad night (5053)
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(818): View more from California

I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

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(818): I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar http://tfl.nu/o7a0

Replies (13) Good night (3875) Bad night (861)
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(574): View more from Indiana

Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

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(574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty

Replies (23) Good night (9804) Bad night (2315)
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(850): View more from Florida

You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.

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(850): You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line. http://tfl.nu/m4ec

Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (4545)
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(941): View more from Florida

Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.

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(941): Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us. http://tfl.nu/wjn1

Replies (9) Good night (4404) Bad night (995)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.

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(920): Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp. http://tfl.nu/avvb

Replies (2) Good night (1432) Bad night (675)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed

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(336): There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed http://tfl.nu/1ryb

Replies (4) Good night (1411) Bad night (875)
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(917): View more from New York City

She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.

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(917): She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/167e

Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (1978)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.

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(501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie. http://tfl.nu/eccp

Replies (4) Good night (2184) Bad night (604)
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(678): View more from Georgia

You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.

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(678): You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk. http://tfl.nu/2vvu

Replies (3) Good night (892) Bad night (1295)
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(616): View more from Michigan

life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee

(1-616): View more from Michigan

i will live by this rule

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(616): life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee (1-616): i will live by this rule http://tfl.nu/j6ih

Replies (6) Good night (767) Bad night (304)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.

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(203): Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life. http://tfl.nu/hv3j

Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (344)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning

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(336): Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning http://tfl.nu/wjev

Replies (4) Good night (319) Bad night (737)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.

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(402): I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween. http://tfl.nu/gen2

Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (240)

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