I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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