he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.