I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.