Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

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  (864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs. http://tfl.nu/m2cw
  Replies (10) Good night (5000) Bad night (592)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

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  (832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo
  Replies (21) Good night (5548) Bad night (1242)
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  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

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  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (6400) Bad night (743)
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  (578): View more from

  drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

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  (578): drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm http://tfl.nu/89pn
  Replies (14) Good night (1004) Bad night (6199)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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  (860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66
  Replies (16) Good night (1412) Bad night (5874)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

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  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5312) Bad night (1032)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

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  (252): she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her? http://tfl.nu/iav7
  Replies (14) Good night (5175) Bad night (1148)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

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  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (2960) Bad night (816)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?

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  (615): She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable? http://tfl.nu/4ysm
  Replies (7) Good night (658) Bad night (1162)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  That dog was the best thing i ever touched

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  (636): That dog was the best thing i ever touched http://tfl.nu/rr6d
  Replies (8) Good night (874) Bad night (607)
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  (310): View more from California

  Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets

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  (310): Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets http://tfl.nu/hmgm
  Replies (3) Good night (1760) Bad night (447)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte

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  (856): she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte http://tfl.nu/jlfx
  Replies (3) Good night (855) Bad night (311)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED

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  (903): I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED http://tfl.nu/wpbt
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (261)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone

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  (631): So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone http://tfl.nu/jbdz
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (356)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.

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  (412): I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls. http://tfl.nu/kdxo
  Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (222)

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