Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
In America we eat man semen.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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