wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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