I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
