I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
