I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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