You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if only i could text you this smell
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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