I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
