I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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