i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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