Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
