Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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